Episode 2 - Don't ask

 It’s worth knowing that there are some questions that should never EVER be asked. A prime example is asking someone who you know is trying to get pregnant, “So, are you pregnant yet?”

Let’s explore why this is one of the most humiliating and inappropriate enquires you can make.

Either the person in question is pregnant and they’re not telling anyone. In this case they will have to lie outright to you, causing you to feel like a real nong when two weeks later they announce their big news.

The other choice is that they’re not pregnant and by asking the blatantly obvious, you might as well say, “So, did you wait too long to get knocked up and now your eggs are all past their use-by date?” Or, if the man is the focus of your heartless enquiry, “So, are you considering getting your testicles removed entirely now it’s clear they’re just for show?”

Plus any non-preggo woman walking this earth asked that question will automatically leap to the conclusion that she’s obese, go home and cry and then skip her next four meals.

We live in a society that is starting families later and later. For most of us, it’s not by choice that we wait until our 30’s and beyond to procreate. Often, the problem starts with being unable to find someone to have a child with. This isn’t our parents’ generation, where you married the first man you dated, began to immediately have babies, and often continued to have babies until your uterus fell out.

These days, we also face the challenge of needing to establish our careers, in industries where taking 6 months off to raise a baby an unforgiveable offence. “Hey everyone! I’m pregnant! What’s that noise?” “Oh, that’s just the sound of everything you’ve worked for over the last 10 years being sucked down the drain. Congrats!”

There’s also the need to be “ready” that holds us back (as if you can ever really be ready for children) “We’re just waiting until we buy a house/pay off the car/have ten grand saved/can afford a full-time nanny, house keeper and wet nurse.” Spoiler alert! Even with live-in help and a fortune in the bank, kids are still going to rob you of sleep, break your nice things, send you broke and spew on you occasionally.

Whatever the reasons, infertility and IVF treatments are on the rise. So the next time you feel the urge to check on someone else’s conception status, ask yourself if you would mind a public questioning about your most intimate details. “So, Bob, how’s that rectal thing going? Still bleeding when you poop or are you just all backed up?”